Avoiding Burnout in Relationships

Types of Relationships

Relationships in this article are defined as any interaction between two people. This may mean family, friends, romantic, or even coworker relationships. The level of interconnectedness in a relationship varies, but these same principles will apply in most cases.

What is Burnout?

Burnout is when one person in a relationship takes more than they put back in. This is often the case when a person in a relationship has a mental illness.

A person with Mental Illness will have less control of their emotional well-being than a typical person. Care needs to be put into the relationships to keep them from being unbalanced.  An unbalanced relationship will take an unfair emotional toll on one person.

The end result of the constant emotional drain in a relationship is burnout. Burnout will destroy a relationship.

Why Work to Avoid Burnout?

It can be very hard for a person with mental illness to find and maintain relationships with other people. When that person loses a relationship they have built it can really be hurtful and intensify feelings of isolation. Isolation is a common negative byproduct of living with mental illness.

By working to avoid burnout in your relationships you can maintain the connections with others needed to avoid feeling completely isolated. By maintaining relationships A person with mental illness can begin to build a support network of healthy friendships.

How is Burnout Avoided?

When a person in a relationship has a mental illness it is important to work to maintain balance for both people. No one person should take more from a relationship than they give. If there is an imbalance within a relationship a person can try to make changes to fix it.

The first step is going to be communication. Clearly, state the problem and the changes that need to take place.

The second step is going to be to listen to the other person’s response with an open mind.

The third step is work together to make the changes you need to maintain the relationship.

Taking Equal Responsibility

Having a mental illness should be treated like a disease.  They should not be blamed or shamed for its symptoms. This is not an excuse to remove personal responsibility in a relationship.

When trying to reestablish a healthy balance in a relationship both parties should take equal responsibility.  Both parties should set and respect boundaries.  Both parties should put the work in that it takes to make the relationship whole again.

When is it Too Late?

Sometimes, time and distance from the relationship are needed to regroup and rebuild it with a happy balance. Sometimes after communicating and working on a relationship and giving it time and distance, nothing helps.

If you find yourself in an unhappy relationship that can not find balance, it is best to end it. Holding on to a relationship out of stubbornness or out of a sense of duty does not benefit anyone.

You can not take on the responsibility of another person’s emotional well-being at the expense of your own.

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I hope you found this article helpful. I would love to hear personal accounts of how you work to maintain healthy relationships in your life. This is quite honestly one of my biggest struggles.

Watch My Video on Avoiding Burnout:

 

 

 

 

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10

Isolation Caused by Mental Illness

Isolation is not Loneliness

Loneliness is the absence of other people. The lack of their physical presence.

Isolation is a feeling of being cut off from society. Having a lack of community.

Where Does it Stem From?

Isolation can be geographical after a move. It can also be from a lack of familiarity of the culture with the people nearby.

Some people might stay inside their homes due to anxiety. Sometimes it is a choice to separate emotionally by withdrawing.

Sometimes a person feels the need to mask parts of their personality while socializing. They might feel that a part of their identity must be hidden so to be socially acceptable.

Isolation is a Symptom

It is a symptom of a society that does not recognize Mental health as a physical illness. There is a general lack of acceptance or knowledge of how to support the mentally ill.

People might feel pressure to conform, so they withdraw or hide parts of themselves that seem less typical. This is exhausting and doesn’t work long term. It leads to more division and aggravation of mental illness issues by inducing stress.

Ways to fight Isolation

If you feel strong enough to help bring awareness, share your stories. Join groups and reach out to other people. Use social media as a tool to bridge communication gaps.

Refuse to hide either physically or by sweeping parts of yourself under the rug.

Trust God. Be creative and forgive yourself.

Do not allow negativity in your circle.

Hope for the Future

Sharing our stories and building networks of support in our communities are the key to change. Life will become more inclusive for those of us with mental illness. The stigmas will fade as more people are exposed to the truth that many people live fulfilling lives with complicated neurological issues.

These are just physical illnesses that affect the brain. They should be treated with the same respect and caring support of any illness.

This is a video I made about isolation as it pertains to me.

 

 

Deuteronomy 31:6

Evaluating My Days

Identifying the Problem

Dealing with an invisible disability is hard. It is hard to describe to others and difficult to understand myself.

On of my main obstacles is “black or white” thinking. I had no way to gauge days that were simply gray. I would have a bad moment and write the whole day off as horrible.

My overly critical judgment was setting every day up for failure.

Luckily, I stumbled across a key that helped me. I would like to share my system in hopes that it can help you, too.

Finding Help

My oldest daughter is on the Autism Spectrum. She has the “diagnosis formerly known as Asperger’s”. One of the key criteria of an Autism Spectrum diagnosis is a deficit in communication.

Emily’s communication problems do not stem from a lack of vocabulary but a lack of pragmatic speech or the social language rules.  Pragmatic speech is a complicated concept and I will link you to more information about what it is and what it affects by clicking here.

Owing to the fact that Autism is a pervasive Development disorder she also has complicating symptoms such as Sensory Processing Disorder and emotional regulation problems.

What all of that means in simple terms is Emily sees and feels the world around her much differently than a typical person. Then, she has a very difficult time expressing what she is experiencing to others.

As her Mother, I was often at a loss as to how to talk to my daughter in a way that we could really communicate

My biggest help was finding the Incredible 5-Point Scale by Kari Buron and Mitzi Curtis

. This book was life changing when it came to communicating effectively with my ASD daughter. We finally had a framework for us to use.

Applying the Concept to Me

I am not going to go into specifics about the book other than how I adapted the concept to help me deal with my Mental Illness.

Where Emily has a hard time communicating her thoughts with other people due to Autism.My communication problems are primarily with myself.  I have a hard time organizing and understanding my own thoughts due to my own neurological differences.

What I identified from the book was that everything can be rated on a continuum or number scale. It really is a very versatile system for balancing and comparing emotional experiences that could otherwise seem random or ethereal.

How it Works

Like I was saying in the beginning of this article, I was a “black or white” thinker. Everything was just good or bad.

If I had a bad moment my brain classified it as a bad day. This lead to negative thoughts controlling my actions. I was an angry person.

When I realized you could break things apart and measure them independently, it changed my outlook on life. I was using this communication tool throughout the day with Emily and slowly adapted it to work for me.

One of the first changes I made was to stretch the scale to 10 points. This helps me more clearly define each number.  Next, I just started putting all my emotions on a scale to see where I was getting overwhelmed.

Amazingly, I could finally make sense of all of the ups and downs in my brain.

What I learned

There are three things that really affect my mood. All three of these are interconnected.

  1. Anxiety
  2. Depression
  3. Routine

I f any one of these three things is out of adjustment it will affect all three.  Even though I can not control how these things will affect me on a day to day, I can plan for how I will react.

Instead of believing every day is bad I now know there are many variations in a day that can be affected by the internal and external stimulus. Having some knowledge where my day will fall on a 10 point scale helps me adjust my expectations and prepare myself for the day.

In a future post, I will talk more about this scale and what different number days mean to my routines.

 

Please feel free to comment or ask any questions you might have.

 

Also, enjoy my video where I talk a little more about this concept. It is the first one of a series I am planning on living with Mental Illness.

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Isaiah 55-11

 

 

 

 

Emily’s Review of The Hobbit

 

 

Emily loves to read!

This is a video review of one of her many favorites. In this video, she reviews JRR Tolkien’s The Hobbit.

She makes many great points. She finds that the characters have depth, even the minor ones. She enjoys the layers and details describing the books setting. She believes he paints a very clear world that is easy to lose yourself in.

Emily recommends this book to readers of the Fantasy genre especially. She also mentioned the book is referenced often in other Fantasy books.  Making this book a very important read to fans of Fantasy and Science Fiction.

Please click here to shop our Amazon link, Emily will get a small commission. Do not forget to check for used copies from Amazon. Great way to save!

 

 

 

 

VLOGGING Fail- What I have learned

Tonight I will be uploading my first VLOG that will be an official Breelyland.

My first video was a disaster. I made so many mistakes that I could not edit them away. What went wrong you might ask? I think I have narrowed down my top three mistakes.

1- Inexperience

Inexperience sabotaged most of my efforts. I forgot the training I had prior to starting. I was filming the wrong things in the wrong ways. I wanted to force situations and it showed. Another fatal flaw, I did not take the time to understand my camera.
I learned a lot from my failure. I think I have learned to slow down and think about the right way to do things. Take time for research whenever needed. Do not try to use equipment I have not taken the time to fully study.

2-Hyper focus

I was so intent on a certain outcome I was not paying attention to the things around the video I was taking. At times not realizing there were inappropriate back grounds or noises ruining my shot.

I will be sure to relax with future videos. Realistically it should be as easy as home videos.I really want to capture our family experience in a natural way. I think the magic comes from the editing.

3-Clumsiness

There was shaky camera work and practically falling from not watching where I was walking. I also managed to delete several very important clips. But I think the most clumsy sabaotage was having Billy throw a tennis ball into my camera and break it.  On our second day of filming with it!

Sometimes, things are going to happen. Sometimes, “safety” will have to push “great intentions” out of the driver’s seat. I learned how important it is to be flexible.

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I have ultimately decided to hide it away for true fans to enjoy. So it is now locked footage on Patreon. Become a subscriber to find out how truly bad our first try was. CLICK HERE to find out more.

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There is a happy ending to my story. Here it is, my first VLOG “There Goes The Internet” Episode 2.

 

 

2 Chronicles 15:7

San-Lee Park

 

 

San lee park is a great place to visit in Sanford NC. It is close by so I take my kids there often. Our family likes to wander around and enjoy the nature and scenery. There are ducks to feed and rocks to climb.  Our favorite activity is to throw rocks in the water.

I like to see when cities preserve history by repurposing old landmarks. San-Lee park used to be the water treatment plant.  They are currently rebuilding its nature center that burned down. That will be an exciting update.

The only downside to the park is the playground. It is not user-friendly in my opinion. Other than toddler swings there is no equipment I feel safe letting my 1 and 2-year-old play on. I think you would need to be at least 5 to enjoy it. Here is a picture of my kids on the stairs to a giant slide that ends in a muddy claypit most days.

 

Trip advisor has more photos of the park and more in-depth reviews.

Here is the Website if you would like to visit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We had a great time on a beautiful day as usual. If you want to see it through the eyes of Tommy and Aiva check out their Youtube Movie.

Life with kids is never boring! Comment how you keep your active littles entertained!

 

Mark 10: 14