Imprinted in Chaos

Self Destruction

When I was a teenager and young adult I engaged in a lot of self-destructive behavior.  These behaviors were fulfilling a need I had to keep my mind occupied. If my brain was not being stimulated continuously, I would seek out things to fill that desire.

Some of the things I did were not just bad ideas. They were life threatening or illegal. I was spinning out of control.

The destructive decisions I made during this time caused pain to myself and everyone around me. Some of these behaviors prompted my parents to seek a mental illness diagnosis for me.   Finding a diagnosis was a long and winding road for both me and my family.

Finding the correct diagnoses were just a part of the puzzle. Knowing I have depression, anxiety, ADD and PTSD are just keys to finding ways to unlock my neurological differences.

Making changes to my behavior took a lot of hard work. This work would not have been worth the effort if the results did not make me feel more in control.

Maturing

Destructive behavior became addictive to me. I would recognize these addictive behaviors and try to eliminate them from my life. One problem would replace another each time.

As I got older I began replacing bad habits with good ones that were just as time-consuming. I replaced smoking with crochet. I replaced drinking with dog rescue. Binge eating with parenting small children.  I did this over and over until my life was no longer on a destructive path but still anything but easy.

Even though my life was good and successful it was still chaotic and hard to manage.

Thriving in Chaos

Sometime in my mid-twenties, I had a psychiatrist that told me something that changed the way I looked at my behavior. He told me I had imprinted in chaos and that was how I function best.

That was life changing information.

I was hard wired to live in the center of a storm. That storm is my own creation and is neither good or bad. It is just how I function best.

Be the Storm

If you feel like things are always out of control in your life, maybe you have a need for chaos, too. Find ways to channel that energy into productive change.

Few things in nature can change the world as quickly or as drastically as a storm can. Be the storm.

 

 

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Watch My Video on Thriving in Chaos:

 

 

Exodus 14:14

 

 

 

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