VLOGGING Fail- What I have learned

Tonight I will be uploading my first VLOG that will be an official Breelyland.

My first video was a disaster. I made so many mistakes that I could not edit them away. What went wrong you might ask? I think I have narrowed down my top three mistakes.

1- Inexperience

Inexperience sabotaged most of my efforts. I forgot the training I had prior to starting. I was filming the wrong things in the wrong ways. I wanted to force situations and it showed. Another fatal flaw, I did not take the time to understand my camera.
I learned a lot from my failure. I think I have learned to slow down and think about the right way to do things. Take time for research whenever needed. Do not try to use equipment I have not taken the time to fully study.

2-Hyper focus

I was so intent on a certain outcome I was not paying attention to the things around the video I was taking. At times not realizing there were inappropriate back grounds or noises ruining my shot.

I will be sure to relax with future videos. Realistically it should be as easy as home videos.I really want to capture our family experience in a natural way. I think the magic comes from the editing.


There was shaky camera work and practically falling from not watching where I was walking. I also managed to delete several very important clips. But I think the most clumsy sabaotage was having Billy throw a tennis ball into my camera and break it.  On our second day of filming with it!

Sometimes, things are going to happen. Sometimes, “safety” will have to push “great intentions” out of the driver’s seat. I learned how important it is to be flexible.


I have ultimately decided to hide it away for true fans to enjoy. So it is now locked footage on Patreon. Become a subscriber to find out how truly bad our first try was. CLICK HERE to find out more.



There is a happy ending to my story. Here it is, my first VLOG “There Goes The Internet” Episode 2.



2 Chronicles 15:7

Living in the Lap of “Love”-xury

Happy Valentine’s Day

I love Valentine’s day! I get way too excited and hyper about hearts and showing love to all my friends. I do not think of it as being an exclusively romantic holiday but a day of appreciation for everyone you care about.

I have two steadfast traditions.  They both involve hand me downs or cast offs.

One, I always mention homeless animals to anyone that is lonely. Too many people feel abandoned.  There are animals all over the world feeling the same way, in cages, right now!

Second is taking ridiculously cutesy pictures of my kids. I can not get Emily to submit to my whims anymore but my littles are still willing participants. So, I need them dressed adorably and posed in a sweet manner. Hopefully, with a prop of some sort.

It may surprise people to know that I used what was already lying around the house in this photo.

The outfits, down to the tutu, were second hand and only the tutu was purchased. Aiva’s outfit was given to me; the shirt from friends, tights from Mimi.  For Tommy’s outfit, everything came from my sister. Even the pillow was found in Emily’s closet and most likely a gift.

Saving money is important to me.  As a stay at home Mom, I consider every penny I save to be a penny I am bringing to the household. Buying or graciously receiving things second-hand, factors into that quite a bit.

The cowgirl boots Aiva wore were bought new for $20. They were 50% off for a fire sale and she loves them dearly. This is the kind of purchase I want to save my money for.

I hate buying new things. Value is lost the second it leaves the store. I would argue that an item that has already stood up to its intended use proves its worth. Sometimes, you buy new and it falls apart out of the box.

American culture is very materialistic. People work hard to accumulate stuff to enhance their lives. When they no longer need or use something I think people feel the excitement of giving or selling it to someone who can. Valuing what you have and enjoying its history makes people think of you when they are ready to part with things.

This excitement holds true when people donate to thrift shops or consignment stores. The trouble a person takes beyond just tossing things in the trash rarely makes financial sense. People really want to connect other people with things that they want or need. It feels good and it saves the environment, which also feels good.

I have everything I need and most of what I want for much less than I could expect to pay retail. This is how I see myself as living in the lap of “Love”-xury.


Let me know your stories of buying used. Also, if you prefer not to buy used, how do you save money? Look forward to hearing your stories.

John 6:12


3 Truths About Special Needs Parenting


1. There is no way to be prepared.

When a woman becomes pregnant she has a picture of the baby she is going to have. She feels it move inside her and dreams about its face its personality and its future. The dreams that something could be wrong with this future bundle of joy is tucked away in nightmares or brief anxieties.

People crowd around congratulating her with the phrase “As  long as it is healthy.”  Unfortunately, sometimes kids are not healthy. Sometimes, life is interrupted by the introduction of a child with special needs.

Some parents will be handed an imperfect baby and sent out into the world with no guide as to how to feel or how to adapt.

Amazingly helpful affiliate link:

2. You will learn things about people you never saw coming.

Raising an imperfect child in today’s society is much better than any other time in history. Thanks to discrimination laws and a new trend towards inclusiveness, most situations can be adapted to most kids.

The problem is how unpredictable the reactions of can seem. Sometimes, the people closest to the child will never “get” it. Special needs kids sometimes face discrimination and stigma from individuals in their lives. They also will enjoy outpourings of love and acceptance from total strangers.


3. You will rise to the challenge and even amaze yourself.

Kids do not need perfect parents. Thankfully. They just need someone who loves them and is dedicated to their needs.

Raising an imperfect child means making mistakes. This will also entail constantly having to reevaluate and adjust life goals. With special needs children to raise courage strength and ingenuity seem to produce themselves. Special Needs Parents change the world for their child.



God chose this relationship between me and my child. I am the most important tool in my child’s arsenal. I will be the best suited to help her fulfill her destiny.

Let me know things you have learned on your journey. Feel free to ask questions and ou can read about my daughter’s diagnosis by clicking here.

Jeremiah 29:11

San-Lee Park



San lee park is a great place to visit in Sanford NC. It is close by so I take my kids there often. Our family likes to wander around and enjoy the nature and scenery. There are ducks to feed and rocks to climb.  Our favorite activity is to throw rocks in the water.

I like to see when cities preserve history by repurposing old landmarks. San-Lee park used to be the water treatment plant.  They are currently rebuilding its nature center that burned down. That will be an exciting update.

The only downside to the park is the playground. It is not user-friendly in my opinion. Other than toddler swings there is no equipment I feel safe letting my 1 and 2-year-old play on. I think you would need to be at least 5 to enjoy it. Here is a picture of my kids on the stairs to a giant slide that ends in a muddy claypit most days.


Trip advisor has more photos of the park and more in-depth reviews.

Here is the Website if you would like to visit.










We had a great time on a beautiful day as usual. If you want to see it through the eyes of Tommy and Aiva check out their Youtube Movie.

Life with kids is never boring! Comment how you keep your active littles entertained!


Mark 10: 14

Aiva’s Favorite Tech- The Kindle Fire

Kindle Fire

Aiva is a huge fan of the Fire. “I need my tablet” is said in this house at least 10 times a day. She has this really unique way of pronouncing the BL sound in the word. Makes the word sound extra exciting almost foreign. It is one of those toddler moments I know I will always treasure.

We bought this for my husband on a black Friday deal but quickly realized the power it had to entertain Aiva while on a car trip. After about 2 hours of her crying in her car seat, we stopped at a fast food restaurant with free WIFI and got it loaded with stuff for her. The 8 GB is more than enough to put a couple movies on along with a few free games and full-color children’s Ebooks. The kindle fire saved our vacation and we have not returned it to Billy since the trip.

We did invest in a good child safe cover that I will link below. This tablet has been going strong and enduring abuse for over a year. That is excellent to me since the half life of most phones seems to be about a month. The battery lasts a long time. Much longer than Aiva’s attention span. It has a cool dimming function for the screen when you watch it in the dark that I think helps her fall asleep easier than when she uses a different tablet.

In my opinion, no one will ever match the quality of this tablet for the price. It is well under fifty dollars and performs like tablets costing hundreds. It is durable and has access to so much free content. It also pairs seemlessly with your prime account although one is not neccessary to appreciate the fire. If you click the photo above you can purchase a Kindle Fire 8GB and Breelyland will receive a commission without affecting the price you pay.



Breastfeeding Lies



Most women have a stance on breastfeeding. It is on the news and in your newsfeeds about the health benefits or social stigmas or the etiquette. I am not going to debate any of those things in this article. You need to do what you want with your kid.  Honestly,  just like every other parenting situation, I know only what worked for me with my kids. That being said, I have kept on boobing for close to 3 years now. I feel as though I am qualified to classify myself as a breastfeeding expert. What I have to offer is the shattering of lies you may have heard. I want to get some truth out there.


My Backstory:

I have made it through many booby traps. Booby traps are situations that can interfere with the breastfeeding relationship. Examples of a few of these are: I failed at breastfeeding my first child for longer than a few weeks, I got pregnant 10 months after gastric bypass when the current recommendation is 12 to 24 months, I had a cesarean, I was overweight and had type 2 diabetes.  These were the just the complications I started with in my breastfeeding journey.

Once my daughter, Aiva, was born it did not get much easier. She had low blood sugar and had to go on IV glucose. She was given needle pricks to her heel every 2 hours to test her sugar. (I still feel this has affected her personality.) I was asked to supplement with formula in order to take her home. I had bleeding nipples and a plugged duct before leaving the maternity ward. Throughout this ordeal, I remained committed to breastfeeding.

Just when breastfeeding became routine, I got pregnant. I was 7 months postpartum. My milk dried up for about 6 weeks in my 3rd trimester. I dry nursed Aiva until the colostrum kicked in.  That is when I began to tandem nurse with my son, Tommy. We tandem nursed until Aiva was 2 years 4 months. I first tried to wean her at 2 years. She was not ready and it caused a huge developmental regression. I continue to nurse Tommy. He is 16 months.

My family comes from a long line of formula babies. I only had one friend who breastfed with supplemental formula. When it came time for me to feed my kids, based on my health history and the developmental issues of my oldest, I  felt breastfeeding was a medical necessity. I read books and websites and asked anyone who looked like they may know. I was voracious in trying to learn everything I could. I came to the hospital as prepared as I thought a person could be to nourish my new baby. During my time breastfeeding my kids I have realized most of what I learned were lies.


#1. Everyone will tell you to breastfeed and then immediately make it close to impossible to actually do it!

Seriously, everyone! The doctors with their medical interventions. The nurses with their tight schedules and rigid rules. You will have visitors that can not take a hint to leave. Suddenly everyone is a lactation consultant and your baby is starving.  You get pressure to go back to work. Everyone suddenly wants to be able to give the baby a bottle. Then the rules start rolling in about how you should not feed in public or without a cover or in front of children or even in your own bed!

#2. Breastfeeding will not come naturally. It comes from intensely stubborn hard work.

Forget those stupid Youtube videos of newborns crawling up to your chest and latching on. Newborn mouths are tiny! Nipples after pregnancy are huge. There is only one right way to bring those two puzzle pieces together in the first weeks and it takes patience and trial and error. All of the tips and tricks help, but it still just comes down to what will work for you and your baby. Keep in mind you have to learn this vital skill at a time when you are emotionally vulnerable and in a lot of pain or your baby will starve. While you are going through this, there will probably be a free bottle of formula within arms reach in the hospital at all times.

#3. It hurts.

You will often hear that if you are doing it correctly there should be no pain. Total lie. It hurts in the beginning. It hurts when your milk comes in. It hurts when they start moving around. It hurts when they get teeth. It hurts when they get really good at draining a boob in 5 minutes. It hurts when they drift off and wake back up and suck the nipple in from the tip. IT FREAKING HURTS. My nipples have been abused for years and my son can still catch me off guard. He sends pain so intense down my body it can feel like I am going to have an out of body experience.


I am going to stop here because I feel like this is becoming an anti-breastfeeding article. I hope that this does not take the excitement of the breastfeeding experience away from anyone before they have tried it. I would never trade the beautiful moments and convenience of breastfeeding for bottles. I do it with no formula, no pumping. The experience it is mine. No one can give my kids what I am giving them. I made them with my body. I continue to grow them with the perfect food for my special child.  That is one of the miracles I get to be a part of with my children.

People just need to stop the lies associated with it so more people can find success in breastfeeding by being prepared.

Let me know more of the lies you encountered while breastfeeding. Also, love to hear from people who actually stopped or formula fed because of a lie they were told. No judgment please, I know there are strong opinions on this subject but everyone is doing the best they can for thier situation.


Tommy’s Favorite Toy- Fisher Price Shape Sorter

Fisher Price Shape Sorter

Products from Amazon.com


This is a top pick when I think of Tommy. I have actually repurchased this toy, twice, since I got my first one used. It is cool looking and simple and fun.  The lid stays on when you want it to but little hands can do it by themselves. What strikes me the most about this toy versatility. It helps him with his fine motor skills manipulating the shapes through the holes as we talk about color and shapes. You can even play matching games because there are two of every shape. This versatility can keep him and his 2-year-old sister engaged. That is not easy.

If he is by himself he will choose this toy off the shelf and play happily. The carry handle is a big bonus since he likes to carry it around. The size is a great fit for toddlers to manage.  He looks like he is heading off to work with a little toy briefcase. He has a good time playing with his shape sorter multiple times every day.

Priced under 10 bucks, makes it a wonderful gift idea. If you click the photo above you can purchase a Fisher Price Shape sorter and Breelyland will receive a commission without affecting the price you pay.


5 Reasons Why Parenting Advice is Useless


Parenting is a job that requires a very special set of diverse skills. Everyone becomes a parent with no training. A person might have experience with children, but being a parent is its own unique position. Preparation is impossible for the intensity and confusion you face when a child is handed to you for keeps. Suddenly becoming responsible for the taming and training of a complete stranger. Baby or older child adoption, this human has its own set of skills and personality traits and zero way of communicating their needs. Scared and desperate or overwhelmed with questions, advice is needed. Unfortunately, all advice will be totally useless.

#1 Advice Contradicts Itself

Ask the same question to 3 different sources and you will get 3 different answers. Sometimes answers that are completely opposite. Even science cant help with big questions such as; How do I get this strange human to sleep? If this strange human does fall asleep, how do I makes sure this small human does not die in his sleep? What is the best way to feed this small human? Pretty sure the first cave woman asked all these questions at the side of the fire.  All of the other tired, terrified cave women answered with what worked for them and they all said something different. Even some of the Dads chimed in with equally wonderful and unique answers. Who is right and who is wrong. No one! There are no right answers for parents.

#2 Every Child is Different

Children come with so many hard wired presets it is incredible. Minutes after birth personalities are emerging at the same time as they are absorbing the experiences from the environment. A parent has control of very little of how a child learns to process the world. Every unique human with their unique temperament begins the process of communication in their unique way. Communication is behavior. Changing behavior in a child is like teaching them a new language with out knowing the one they are currently speaking.

#3 Every Parent is Different

So, once the rosetta stone has been found for a specific child, parenting gets easier, right? Just find people with experience in similarly wired children and all the problems will be solved.  Nope. If you had twins with two Moms and both sets separately went through the same experience they could still have very different outcomes. Why? Because parents are humans that came prewired to process the environment in unique ways. Every human will have its own emotional language. That emotional language is a funnel that shapes their behavior. No two people can parent the same even if they are trying to execute the same advice.

#4 Every Situation is Different

Perspective is what a person can see from where they are standing. No two people are standing in the same place, therefore, no two people can see a problem from the same angle. Many things can effect the view a person is parenting from. A persons race, socio-economic, age, religion, even climate change things drastically when it comes to parenting. To illustrate this: say a child has way too much energy.. First piece of advice is to take them outside to play. Ok, but you live in Alaska in winter or a very unsafe trailer park. The advice is useless because the perspective of the person might live in a gated community in Florida. It was good advice, just not for the situation.

#5 Life is Hard

Parenting advice is often found to be useless because it can not be implemented. Stress and fatigue are stretching a parent past their limitations. There is no energy reservoir left. Devoting time to changing a child’s behavior, is a luxury. Parenting sometimes has to happen in survival mode.


So now is where I get to swoop in with my link to an Ebook that will fix everything thing? Sorry, no. I keep looking for answers myself. I pray and I keep trying.


Philippians 4:6

My Vision


Looking at my daily life with my kids, my marriage and even my health I am disappointed in what I see. How things are going and progressing fall short of where I know we could be. Every single person in this family is blessed with unlimited potential. I see more than a great future for all of us. I see a great, right now! What I do not know is how to take the picture I have inside me and help it become reality.

Looking around I see people that have parts of themselves completely figured out. They are winning at some aspect of their lives and making it seem effortless. I know no one is perfect. Most of what people show off is creative framing or editing but it does not stop me from wanting to collect all of these pieces from people around me to help make a picture of myself that is whole and glorious. The problem I have found is people in real life are so guarded with these personal issues that honest communication is hard to come by.

Looking at the internet I see a completely different set of social boundaries. People will show the imperfect sides of themselves hiding behind a digital wall. In addition to this less guarded way of presenting themselves, there is definitely way more advice directed at others. It is like a laser light show of thoughts and ideas.

My vision for this blog is finding a way to channel all of the light and positivity towards my family. I want to gather a digital family of imperfect people who are all willing to help me find the best pieces of myself. I want to, in a way, crowdsource my future.

Please, leave comments and suggestions often so we can journey together bettering ourselves.

Mathew 7:7-10