Parenting is a job that requires a very special set of diverse skills. Everyone becomes a parent with no training. A person might have experience with children, but being a parent is its own unique position. Preparation is impossible for the intensity and confusion you face when a child is handed to you for keeps. Suddenly becoming responsible for the taming and training of a complete stranger. Baby or older child adoption, this human has its own set of skills and personality traits and zero way of communicating their needs. Scared and desperate or overwhelmed with questions, advice is needed. Unfortunately, all advice will be totally useless.
#1 Advice Contradicts Itself
Ask the same question to 3 different sources and you will get 3 different answers. Sometimes answers that are completely opposite. Even science cant help with big questions such as; How do I get this strange human to sleep? If this strange human does fall asleep, how do I makes sure this small human does not die in his sleep? What is the best way to feed this small human? Pretty sure the first cave woman asked all these questions at the side of the fire. All of the other tired, terrified cave women answered with what worked for them and they all said something different. Even some of the Dads chimed in with equally wonderful and unique answers. Who is right and who is wrong. No one! There are no right answers for parents.
#2 Every Child is Different
Children come with so many hard wired presets it is incredible. Minutes after birth personalities are emerging at the same time as they are absorbing the experiences from the environment. A parent has control of very little of how a child learns to process the world. Every unique human with their unique temperament begins the process of communication in their unique way. Communication is behavior. Changing behavior in a child is like teaching them a new language with out knowing the one they are currently speaking.
#3 Every Parent is Different
So, once the rosetta stone has been found for a specific child, parenting gets easier, right? Just find people with experience in similarly wired children and all the problems will be solved. Nope. If you had twins with two Moms and both sets separately went through the same experience they could still have very different outcomes. Why? Because parents are humans that came prewired to process the environment in unique ways. Every human will have its own emotional language. That emotional language is a funnel that shapes their behavior. No two people can parent the same even if they are trying to execute the same advice.
#4 Every Situation is Different
Perspective is what a person can see from where they are standing. No two people are standing in the same place, therefore, no two people can see a problem from the same angle. Many things can effect the view a person is parenting from. A persons race, socio-economic, age, religion, even climate change things drastically when it comes to parenting. To illustrate this: say a child has way too much energy.. First piece of advice is to take them outside to play. Ok, but you live in Alaska in winter or a very unsafe trailer park. The advice is useless because the perspective of the person might live in a gated community in Florida. It was good advice, just not for the situation.
#5 Life is Hard
Parenting advice is often found to be useless because it can not be implemented. Stress and fatigue are stretching a parent past their limitations. There is no energy reservoir left. Devoting time to changing a child’s behavior, is a luxury. Parenting sometimes has to happen in survival mode.
So now is where I get to swoop in with my link to an Ebook that will fix everything thing? Sorry, no. I keep looking for answers myself. I pray and I keep trying.